Marsha's Alter Ego

I don’t understand why people have to undermine others simply because they have a very different frame of thinking. Just because someone does not match your expectation doesn’t mean he/she is bad and should not be given the same respect or be treated in the same proper way. I’m not trying to generalize, but I see such cases happen: people don’t want to look out and try to understand. They dwell in their cage of ignorance whenever they see people acting the way they don’t want to see.

To me, individuals who hide behind their own isolation don’t have enough bravery to face the imperfection of human beings. I know people have their own ways of expressing what they believe in, but the bottom line is that we all want to act like we’re the only people who know what’s best, what should be done and what should not. In other words, people want to be superior over others - we want others to follow this particular set of guidelines that we believe is true.

Maybe imperfection is just intolerable to a certain kind of people. But you see, like it or not there has to be a time when one simply has to adjust. You can’t expect the world to be as perfect as you perceive. People are imperfect at the very first place, and that’s not a reason to continue seeing them as lower level creatures just because you think your standard is the way to go.

That, I think, is the point of forgiveness. Of being humble. Of being not arrogant all the time. Of acknowledging that people make mistakes. Of being someone with an opened heart. Of not judging bad.

Of doing good deeds.

Luka, tidak selamanya disebabkan oleh cinta.

Mungkin luka, memang ada dengan sendirinya.

Luka, bahwa kenangan tidak bisa diubah semaunya.

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What if, in another universe, I deserve you?

Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.

Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.

For instance:

In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.

Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.

Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.

Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.

Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.

If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.

You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.

If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be oneuniverse — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.

So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse.

Well, isn’t that comforting?

If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?

Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.

Maafin gw ye judulnya ga kreatif. Sabodo lah tumblr sendiri ini, isinya ga jelas semua haks haks.

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Hari ini gw nonton pemilihan GanBest (Ganesha Best Student) 2012. Sumpeh menurut gw lebih keren namanya Ganesha Prize. Mana kalo Ganesha Best Student bukannya harusnya “Ganesha’s Best Student” gitu ya biar grammarnya lebih bener, tapi ga enak didenger. Ea.

Shortly, gw pengen nonton GanBest karena selain Hendra (mapres FTI), ada juga temen gw Afifa (mapres SITH) dan Empe (mapres FTMD), dan kebetulan mereka bertiga presentasinya berurutan. Nah karena post ini tentang Hendra jadi gw nulis bagian presentasi Hendra aja ye, hehe.

Basically that was one of the most touching presentation-slash-speech, ever. Selain konten dan cara nyampeinnya emang bagus (intonasi, kecepatan ngomong, dll.), peak momentnya pas Q&A session sama dewan juri. Jurinya nanya2 pertanyaan2 personal gitu.

Ini beberapa pertanyaan yang jawabannya gw inget karena quotenya baguuss:

1. Kamu kan udah mau lulus terus kalo mau kontribusi lebih sebagai mahasiswa berarti nunda lulus dong?

Menurut saya, lulus itu tidak harus tepat waktu, tapi di waktu yang tepat. terus pokoknya jawaban selanjutnya oke banget lah :’)) tapi paling terharu waktu ditanya ini sih:

2. Dukungan dari orang tua seperti apa?

Intinya dia bilang dia tidak datang dari keluarga yang berkemampuan cukup… selama saya kuliah saya tidak pernah mau dibiayai oleh orang tua saya karena saya memahami kondisi mereka. Saya membiayai kuliah saya sendiri. *blablabla* Dulu saya mau dikirim kuliah ke Binus tapi ga jadi karena saya ga mau memberatkan kedua orang tua saya, makanya saya berjuang keras supaya bisa masuk ITB.

Taunya sekarang anaknya dapet Ganesha Prize. Kalo gw jadi orang tuanya kebayang bangganya kayak apa :’)

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I hereby declare myself as a big fan of Hendra.

Sebenernya udah ngefans dari kapan tau sih hahaha.

Ga tau orangnya inget ato ga inget, pertama kali gw kenal Hendra adalah pas FTI Motivation Day 2009 (apa 2010 ya) yg ngundang Karen Agustiawan. He was my group’s mentor back then. Dari dialah pertama kali gw tau tekim ada 3 subjur, dan entah kenapa pas dijelasin bioproses gw langsung pengen milih subjur BP. Kedua kalinya kenalan beneran pas TC (buku kenalan) waktu PABRIK HIMATEK. He was the only kakak angkatan yang nulis di TC gw:

Semangat ya di tekim, yang aktif di HIMATEK!

Bangun Indonesia!

wih sesuatu banget. Apalagi setelah denger cerita dari anak-anak 2009 yang di TC-in sama dia, ternyata dia bener-bener hidup di Bandung dengan mandiri. Dibekelin duit seada-adanya, buka usaha dimulai dari jual donat dan jadi tutor selama dia TPB untuk nyari duit buat makan tiap hari. Suatu perjuangan yang gak semua orang bisa lakuin.

Momen ketiga gw terinspirasi sama Hendra adalah pas gw masih magang di divisi infokom HIMATEK dan disuruh wawancara. Apalagi setelah wawancara ternyata dia prestasinya banyak banget. Like, BANYAK. It was mid-2011, and his achievements yg gw catet were like..11? 12? 15? ampe gw ngitung dan nanya, ini yg mau dimasukin di majalah himpunan yg mana ya. Kesan pertama yang gw tangkep adalah, this person is very damn humble, especially after dia dengan antusias nanya2 tentang HNMUN karena berencana ikut seleksinya tapi bilang “ga yakin sama sekali apakah saya mampu ikut acara se-prestigious Harvard”.

Selama jadi Ketua Training Ganesha MUN Club buat nyiapin delegates HNMUN 2012, I reckon that Hendra was one of very few people yang ga pernah absen training 1 kali pun. He was also the only person yang selalu ngerjain tugas yang gw kasih tanpa ngeluh ato minta keringanan, and it makes me feel really appreciated. This is the point where I see Hendra as a person who has his own level of integrity. A true hard worker, indeed.

I also experienced a moment when he almost gave up, texted me long enough bilang kalo dia mau ngundurin diri dari HNMUN karena kebentur biaya. Dalem hati I was like, “ga tau gimana caranya pokoknya ni orang satu harus berangkat!”. I just couldn’t let one of my favourite trainees yang sangat rajin ini ga berangkat, there must be a way. And he eventually managed to go without having to pay for anything. And he managed to win Honorable Mention award in Harvard National Model United Nations 2012, being the first ITB and the 2nd Indonesian to win.

I’m lucky enough to have encountered another activities with Hendra, during pemilihan mahasiswa berprestasi Teknik Kimia and FTI. One of the things I like the most from Hendra is that he respects people, even his rivals. It’s like he doesn’t want to be the only person moving forward. Instead, he wants others to move forward with him. I really thought it wouldn’t be possible for us to cooperate with each other during mapres. Maybe the prejudice comes from growing up in a world full of orang2 oportunis yang memanfaatkan pertemanan semu hanya sebagai koneksi bagus untuk maju sendiri. But it didn’t turn out like that. I was helped. We helped each other willingly.

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I remember jokingly told him while walking from kelas dasrek that he may win this year’s Ganesha Prize. He said paling-paling cuma bisa dapet juara 2 “soalnya selama ini tiap taun pasti tingkat 3 yang menang, jadi taun ini pasti juaranya 2009”. I told him that “you have to break the curse because I’ll win next year’s Ganesha Prize as 2009 hahahaha”.

It’s awesome, but not unbelievable because he simply deserves it, that he is now a Ganesha Prize winner. Hendra’s definitely going to have a very bright future ahead, and I’m beyond proud of having a friend like him.

Proficiat, Hendra Kwik!